Vitalik Buterin To Host New Comedy Talk Show Where He Just Talks Shit To People On Twitter and Humiliates Guests

TORONTO, CANADA -  Though blockchain technology may be reinventing the wheel and revolutionizing existing industries, Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin's new talk show is certainly not. Imagine a crypto-facing Tosh.0 with esoteric computer science jokes, and an awkward host wearing a variety of unicorn and LOLcat t-shirts. "It's time that crypto broke into the TV industry,"... Continue Reading →

Conor McGregor Launches ‘FOOK Coin’ ICO Crowdsale to Fund Future Bail Costs, Floyd Mayweather Invests Before the Whitepaper is Read to Him

DUBLIN, IRELAND - In the wake of recent legal trouble and dissipating relevance in the MMA world, former UFC lightweight champion Conor McGregor has been confirmed to have launched his own ICO token sale. The aptly named 'FOOK Coin' discretely opened last week at around $1.00/FOOK. As doubt surrounding it's utility and struggling adoption rates... Continue Reading →

Charlie Lee Lists ‘Copy-Pasting’ Under Skills and Endorsements Section on LinkedIn

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Controversial cryptocurrency icon, Charlie Lee, has left his Litecoin constituents puzzled after his contentious decision to add "Copy-Pasting" to his list of LinkedIn skills. The overwhelming disapproval is a direct reaction from long-time Litecoin evangelists who have feverishly defended criticisms that Litecoin is nothing more than a Bitcoin clone. "I understand... Continue Reading →

Semantic Satiation: Roger Ver Seeks Therapy After Saying ‘It’s not Bcash’ So Many Times in a Row That it’s Lost All Meaning to Him

TOKYO - An anonymous tip has disclosed that Bitcoin Cash flag bearer, Roger Ver, has gone to seek psychiatric help following his inability to discern the meaning of the phrase 'it's not bcash' - a common consequence of incessantly repeating a phrase known as semantic satiation. Ver humbly agreed to join us for a Skype... Continue Reading →

BREAKING: Kucoin Locked in Legal Battle with Struggling Ku-Klux-Klan Owned Blockchain Startup Over Rights to Kucoin Trademark

HONG KONG - Prolific cryptocurrency exchange, Kucoin, is confirmed to be locked in explosive litigation stemming from bold allegations by a white supremacist blockchain startup over claims that Kucoin has illegally trademarked the Kucoin name. The plaintiff (tentatively named KuKoin), asserts that their technology has been in development since 2015 - predating that of Kucoin's. Kucoin's... Continue Reading →

INVESTORS HATE HIM: Sneaky New Speculator Hatches Brilliant Get Rich Quick Scheme to Ask r/CryptoMarkets ‘Which Coins Will Moon or 10x This Year?’

REDDIT, INTERNET - "I can't believe nobody has thought of this before," a smug looking, self-anointed crypto mogul Kevin Wade bragged. "Instead of wasting my time analyzing market trends, I've figured out that all I have to do is ask crypto forums which coins are going to moon by next year - and these suckers... Continue Reading →

iPhone Replacement Screen Sales Surging as a Result of Screen Burn-Ins from Panicking Delta Users Refreshing Every 5 Seconds

INTERNET - Thousands of accounts have recently surfaced regarding  iPhone screens across the globe suffering screen burn-ins as a consequence of Delta users relentlessly refreshing to keep up with their plummeting portfolio values. "We haven't seen profits like this since we convinced people to buy adapters for headphones" said a clearly satisfied Luca Maestri, CFO of... Continue Reading →

Ethereum Founder Vitalik Buterin Signs Up for Gym Membership, Re-brands as Vitalik BROterin

RUSSIA - Wunderkind and Ethereum Founder, Vitalik Buterin, has decidedly re-branded himself as Vitalik BROterin in a recent Tweet following his out of character decision to sign a year-long gym membership. These recent developments have left the Ethereum community in an uproar, demanding an explanation of this questionable decision during such a tremulous time in... Continue Reading →

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