Help! I Told My High School Bully to Buy Bitcoin Back in December 2017, so Now He’s Going to Beat Me Up and Take My Private Keys

clem-onojeghuo-146651-unsplash.jpg

TACOMA, WA – Look, in my defense I told him that I wasn’t a financial adviser. Did I say it was a sure thing? Well of course I did, bitcoin was pushing $20,000 fucking dollars!

Brandon reached out to me on Facebook last December telling me how guilty he felt about bullying me in school, and I reluctantly agreed to meet up for a beer that weekend. While talking about what’s changed since high school, we got to talking about money. I bragged about my profits from buying bitcoin and said that he should definitely buy as much as he can before it hits 100k. He wasn’t so sure it was a good idea so I pulled up a few tweets from John McAfee, and chart from CoinMarketCap proving to him that it just goes up. He asked me how to get started so I shot him a referral link to Coinbase.

About a week later he messaged me asking how much of money he should put in, to which I said “lol as much as you can, don’t miss the boat”. He asked if it was a sure thing, so I sent him another chart from CoinMarketCap and wrote “Look Brandon. I know you’re new to crypto, but I’ve been doing this for about 3 months and have 10x’ed my money. Clearly I’m doing something right.”

In hindsight this may have been a mistake.

Well, price started going down almost immediately after he bought in – suspiciously quick, actually. I just kept telling him to “HODL” and “buy the dip” because that’s what everybody tells me to do.

Ever since the price dropped to 6k, he’s been pacing outside of my house everyday, chain smoking two cigarettes at a time waiting for me to come out so he can beat me up and take my bitcoin.

Can I sue Coinbase for bodily injury?

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

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