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Letter To The Editor: Help! I Told My High School Bully To Buy Bitcoin Back In December 2017, And Now He’s Going To Beat Me Up And Take My Private Keys

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To the Editor,

Look, in my defense I told him that I wasn’t a financial adviser. Did I say it was a sure thing? Well of course I did, BTC was pushing $20,000 fucking dollars!

Brandon reached out to me on Facebook last December telling me how guilty he felt about bullying me in school and asked if I’d like to meet up for a drink, to which I reluctantly agreed. We met up that weekend and while talking about what’s changed since high school, we got to talking about money. He mentioned that he wasn’t doing so hot financially, so as a below-the-belt shot I kind of bragged about my success from investing BTC and half-jokingly said that he should start buying as much as he can before it hits one million per coin. He wasn’t so sure it was a good idea so I pulled up a few tweets from John McAfee, and chart from CoinMarketCap proving to him that it just goes up. Eventually I convinced him to take the leap, and he asked me how to get started so I shot him a referral link to Coinbase.

About a week later he messaged me asking how much of money he should put in, to which I responded “lol as much as you can, don’t miss the $$$ boat”. He asked if it was a sure thing, so I sent him another chart from CoinMarketCap and wrote “Look Brandon. I know you’re new to crypto, but I’ve been in the game for about 3 months and have 10x’ed my initial investment. Trust me – this is going to the moon.”

In hindsight this may have been a mistake.

Well, price started going down almost immediately after he bought in – suspiciously quick, actually. I just kept telling him to “HODL” and “buy the dip” because that’s what everybody tells me to do.

Ever since the price dropped to 6k, he’s been pacing outside of my house everyday, chain smoking two cigarettes at a time waiting for me to come out so he can beat me up and take my money. I told him that l don’t have any money because I lost it all in BTC, so he said that he’s going to beat me up and take my private keys instead.

Can I sue Coinbase for bodily injury?

Sincerely,

Scared in Seattle

Scared in Seattle,

Sucks to suck.

Best regards,

The HODL Times Staff

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

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