TORONTO, CANADA – Though blockchain technology may be reinventing the wheel and revolutionizing existing industries, Ethereum founder Vitalik Buterin’s new talk show is certainly not. Imagine a crypto-facing Tosh.0 with esoteric computer science jokes, and an awkward host wearing a variety of unicorn and LOLcat t-shirts.
“It’s time that crypto broke into the TV industry,” said Buterin. “We’ve found that speculative investors don’t appear to heed warnings of potential scams from technical and social evidence, but are instead wildly more receptive when I just talk shit about coins and call people names. There seems to be a direct correlation between a decline in scamcoin buy volume and how often I call people like Craig Wright retards.”
Buterin says he is greatly pleased with the series, and kindly offered to give us an exclusive sneak peak at the pilot episode of the series.
An inattentive Buterin stands center stage, eerily smiling ear to ear and blankly staring at the camera for roughly 10 seconds before fumbling out his catchphrase ‘Hey, hey, hey, crypto people’. Buterin proceeds to double talk for a few minutes before cutting to the segment of the show where he mocks various crypto figures on Twitter. The monitor beside him pops up Verge developer Justin Vendetta’s profile, and Buterin immediately comes out swinging with, “Verge is such a scam that a recursive function computing it’s bullshit causes a stack overflow!” and chuckling uncontrollably.
“Yeah the catchphrase did not perform well in our focus groups, but it’s really the only thing he can say without immediately frowning,” said producer Joey Randall.
“As evident from conferences and tech talks, Vitalik isn’t much of a public speaker. To compensate for this we occasionally have his voice dubbed over by Dolph Lundgren. It’s not much of an improvement, but it proved to be the only viable way for us to circumvent Vitalik’s Goofy-esque ‘hyuck hyuck’ chuckle, which also proved to be off-putting in our focus groups.”
Buterin confidently chimed in on the producer’s decision to do the show without a laugh track.
“The comedy speaks for itself. If you have to be queued when you laugh, then maybe you and Craig should get together, fuck off, and watch the Big Bang Theory.”