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10 Buzzwords Guaranteed To Spruce Up Any Unemployed Altcoin Investor’s LinkedIn Profile

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Look, we get it. You’re too busy getting in on the ground floor of revolutionary new technologies to hold down a low-paying job. Take a look at the top 10 buzzwords you can pepper into your LinkedIn headline that will WOW your professional network, and help get your foot in the door with a blockchain startup:

    1. Blockchain Enthusiast
      A staple for the modern job seeker – best paired with those who hold no real skill set, yet want to appear knowledgeable and technically adept at a glance. Be sure to memorize definitions for key terms like ‘blockchain’, ‘bitcoin’, and ‘hard fork’ in case somebody asks you about it in person, and you’re not in a position to Google it.
    2. Cryptocurrency Evangelist
      Similar to Blockchain Enthusiast, but almost makes it sound like you could explain the principals of the technology without stuttering or saying ‘it would take too long to explain’ as an excuse the get out of the question. At the very least, you’re flexing your vocabulary on recruiters. Maybe you’ll land a gig writing for a shitty crypto news site, or something.
    3. Chief Visionary
      You can’t really talk about them… but you have several app ideas that could potentially be huge once you find a developer, marketer, product manager, QA tester and who will work for experience.
    4. Life Coach
      You regularly hound everybody around you that they should be buying crypto, and you can show them how to get started. Casually bragging that you haven’t ‘had to’ work in years is a good supporting argument, but you’ll want to reinforce that you’re ‘in it for the technology’ each time you’re asked much money you have made.
    5. ICO Advisor
      You’ve unsuccessfully invested in several ICOs, have rigorously analyzed the steps they took to steal your money, and have applied them to a Medium article you read on how to issue your own token on the Ethereum blockchain in less than 20 minutes.
    6. Top 1% of LinkedIn Profiles
      An outright meaningless lie for sure, but fortunately, also an immeasurable metric by any recruiters. Sure, they could ask you about it – but do you really want to work with somebody who will argue semantics? Probably not. You’re too busy for petty squabbles anyway, you have an ICO to advise.
    7. TEDx
      You don’t have to explain that you were simply an attendee, if they don’t ask.
    8. Serial Entrepreneur
      Not only have you given out a handful of Coinbase referrals to reluctant friends & family members, but you also happen to have owned several pretty high-profile domain names over the years. For example, the now defunct ‘(unsecured)crypt0-masters.biz’ had a seemingly bright future ahead of it, before you realized you didn’t know how to set up DNS records or write HTML/CSS. It was a wild run building a business with your own two hands, but you’re on to bigger & better ventures now.
    9. Influencer
      You’re part of several DENT pump & dump groups on Telegram, and do your part by tweeting out charts you can’t read to your followers captioned ‘DENT is a steal right now’.
    10. Father
      This one can be a bit trickier to pull off if you don’t actually have any children. The goal is to make recruiters & potential employers look at your profile and think, ‘Yeah, I could see this guy having some degree of real-world, adult experience‘. Lets be real, if they knew that you sat in front of a seven year old gaming PC all day smoking weed and losing money on failed arbitrage trades, it wouldn’t look too great.

Photo by Mimi Thian on Unsplash

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