Suffice to say, it’s a rough time for the average crypto investor right now. We get it – things are looking bleak and you’re trying to stay positive – we also get that you may not be looking forward to having your partner ask you how your crypto portfolio is doing any time soon. After a year of telling them things like “ETH is a steal right now!”, “John McAfee says bitcoin will be worth one million dollars each – trust him, he killed a guy!“, and “REQ is undervalued!“, you’ve had enough. It may just be time to take a good, hard look in the mirror and craft some canned, nondescript answers:
- “Huh? Oh, yeah, no, it’s good”
An absolute banger for a few reasons. Leading with the sharp “Huh?” plants a seed in their head that not only did you not even hear the question, but it also conveys a sense of disinterest which non-verbally implies that your portfolio is doing so well that you rarely even think about it. Not directly answering the question also works in your favor, as it gives off the idea that you have more concerning things on your mind than losing the majority of your life savings.
- “Eh, well the market is slow right now”
Nobody cares to ask follow up questions to something like this – anyway, slow sounds safe, and you wouldn’t even know how to check if you wanted to.
- “It’s okay, but once <event that will unknowingly make the price plummet> happens < improv rambling about baseless positive outcome>”
With the absurd over-saturation of baseless and contradicting prediction articles in the crypto space, it is theoretically possible to make up any number of possible outcomes on the spot and have several articles published by self-proclaimed ‘crypto experts’ to back them up. Bonus points for peppering in buzzwords like “real-world adoption” and “bull-run”.
- Blame Bitcoin
A classic scapegoat in the world of crypto. Brush aside the fact that you for some reason decided that a cryptocurrency designed to facilitate payment for dentists would be a sound investment. Disregard the haunting thought that the only reason you invested so much in the first place is because your confirmation bias caused you to buy shitcoins shilled by teenagers with usernames like “Crypt0_g0d”. These coins would be thriving if it wasn’t for that meddling Bitcoin, right?
- Go on the offensive, and start an argument to steer away from the question
For the less eloquent crypto investor, starting an argument about something completely unrelated this is a good option when your back is against the wall. “How’s crypto doing?” more like, “Oh my god could you just stop nagging for once? You always do this.”.