STANFORD, CA – EOS, the contentious blockchain-based dApp development platform is making rounds in the media again, but this time on the shoulders of a groundbreaking new study. Published in various science journals across the country, the study in question has revealed that given the opportunity, an astounding 100% of EOS investors will pull their pants all the way down, and piss with them around their ankles in public restrooms.
Dr. Erin Lawson, the principal investigator and a professor at Stanford University was kind enough to share the details of her research with us.
“It started out like any other case study, ” Erin explained. “We had a sample size of 100 known male EOS holders, and 100 male EOS opponents. We put together a blind study where each participant drank 8oz of water every 10 minutes, went to urinate in a communal restroom as often as needed, and were instructed to interact with other participants as they would if they ran into them in the bathroom at an event. Like moths to flame, one-by-one each EOS investor approached the urinal, pulled their pants all the way down to their ankles, like a fucking toddler, and began to urinate – all while making small talk with the other participants about ‘subsidized inflation rate gains’.”
“The results were unreal,” said clearly surprised assistant researcher, Megan Yu. “The phenomena here lies not only that a 100% success rate in a blind study of this size is unprecedented in modern psychology, but also the fact that people are willing to invest in EOS. One-hundred dudes!“
One anonymous participant was eager to comment on the study, as they felt the results has besmirched their good name as an objective investor.
“Of course I pull my pants all the way down, I’m not just going to stand there and get piss splashed back all over my corduroys. Are the results of this bullshit study supposed to be some sort of metaphor? Like my pants are the defenses that I’ve let down, and the piss splashing back represents the financial repercussions when EOS value tanks because Block Producers stop producing due to lack of financial incentives? God, change the record!”