SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Following a recent scandal involving the suspiciously executed Twitter giveaway to celebrate the Tether/Tron partnership, additional reports have surfaced claiming that Justin Sun has been promising to gift various women a new Tesla if they agree to go out on a date with him.
In each account, Sun had backpedaled on the arrangement by afterwards texting them the foolproof banger of a line “oh haha sorry my friend took my phone” as soon as the Tesla was brought up the following day. One of the anonymous women had this to say regarding the date.
“It started out pretty normal”, the unnamed source told us. “We matched on Tinder and went out on a date to The Spaghetti Factory. Now, not that it matters, but I quickly discovered that he eats like an excited little boy at his own birthday party. He tucks his cloth napkin into his shirt collar, and with an eager grin holds his fork and knife upright in his hands, chanting and banging them on the table each time our server brought out a dish. I was like sure, okay, he’s this super eclectic CEO this must be expected behavior. So, the date ended and I took him home (he doesn’t have his driver’s license). I texted him the next day asking about the Tesla, and he tried to pull the whole ‘oh my friend took my phone’ spiel. Not that I fully expected him to actually give me a Tesla, but what kind of game is that?”
Mr. Sun was eager to respond to this criticism, re-enforcing the narrative that he has no reason to do such a thing.
“Wow. Well first off it was my birthday, so she can put that one away. Secondly, that wasn’t even me, my friend took my freakin’ phone! This is clearly the work of my good friend Jack Ma, he is always totally pranking me!” He chuckled, nervously looking around the room for affirmation.
“Do you really think that I have the buying power to give every Tinder thot that throws it back a Tesla?” Sun continued. “Based on what, exactly? Technically, Tron doesn’t even do anything right now, so the only earning potential I have is banking on the hopes that people will buy a cryptocurrency that is completely useless – but those ETC & EOS motherfuckers have that demographic sewn up!”
In an investigative effort to corroborate Sun’s story, we reached out to Alibaba CEO, Jack Ma, whom Sun described as the friend that has been promising women Tesla’s on his behalf.
“God I can’t stand that fucking guy.”, Ma seethed, annoyed by the mere mention of Sun’s name. “By no metric could we be considered friends. He attended a single lecture of mine at Hupan University called ‘CEO 101’, and that’s it . He sat in the very front row excitedly raising his hand every 30 seconds with a goddamn question, and at the end of the lecture even asked if I was going to assign homework – what?”
At press time, Sun has yet to comment on Jack Ma’s rebuttal to his initial claims. Instead, he has started a new Twitter giveaway in which he will award his used 1998 Honda Civic to anybody that could get him in touch with Jack Ma for additional CEO advice.