‘ETC Can Still Overtake ETH’ Says Moron Who Also Said That ‘Bernie Could Still Win This’

REDDIT, INTERNET - In light of the January 2018 51% attack on the Ethereum Classic network, a prolific Reddit user and purported complete moron posted to the /r/EthereumClassic subreddit armed with a whole new level of self confirmation bias - this time, in the form of a lengthy write-up - outlining why they 'feel' that … Continue reading ‘ETC Can Still Overtake ETH’ Says Moron Who Also Said That ‘Bernie Could Still Win This’

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Mobile App Idea Guy Ditches Dead-End Career Path To Pursue Newfound Dreams Of Becoming Unnecessary Blockchain Solution Idea Guy

SPOKANE, WA - Evident by a recent series of lengthy Craigslist job postings for blockchain developers to work on "the next Ethereum", local man & self-described entrepreneur Arthur Padilla has purportedly transitioned from pursuing a career as a 'mobile app idea guy' in favor of the more lucrative 'blockchain solution idea guy'. Padilla intends to … Continue reading Mobile App Idea Guy Ditches Dead-End Career Path To Pursue Newfound Dreams Of Becoming Unnecessary Blockchain Solution Idea Guy

Research Shows 100% Correlation Between EOS Investors And Guys Who Pull Their Pants Down To Their Ankles To Piss In Public Restrooms

STANFORD, CA - EOS, the contentious blockchain-based dApp development platform is making rounds in the media again, but this time on the shoulders of a groundbreaking new study. Published in various science journals across the country, the study in question has revealed that given the opportunity, an astounding 100% of EOS investors will pull their … Continue reading Research Shows 100% Correlation Between EOS Investors And Guys Who Pull Their Pants Down To Their Ankles To Piss In Public Restrooms

Former Executives of Mt.Gox, Bitgrail, Tether, and Bitconnect Come Together to Form Shitcoin Supergroup

FLORENCE, ITALY - Disgraced former owner of contentious cryptocurrency exchange Bitgrail, Francesco Firano unveiled new details today regarding his "crypto-supergroup", confirming it will involve Jed McCaleb (Mt.Gox Co-Founder), Brock Pierce, (Tether Co-Founder), and Carlos Matos (Bitconnect Spokesman). Each confirmed member has had considerable trouble finding relevant work in the crypto industry following their respective "oversights", with … Continue reading Former Executives of Mt.Gox, Bitgrail, Tether, and Bitconnect Come Together to Form Shitcoin Supergroup

An Open Letter From John McAfee: “Jokes On You, I Cut Off And Ate My Dick Years Ago.”

My dear friends, Did you really think that I wouldn't have a contingency plan in the event I was wrong about a price prediction I made when I was high on mescaline? You fucking idiots, of course I didn't actually think that Bitcoin was going to become worth one million dollars per coin. If you for … Continue reading An Open Letter From John McAfee: “Jokes On You, I Cut Off And Ate My Dick Years Ago.”

Craig Wright Offers Up His Codecademy Profile As Irrefutable Proof Of His Identity As Satoshi Nakamoto

BRISBANE, AUS - The consensus surrounding Dr. Craig Wright's claim to the renowned online pseudonym 'Satoshi Nakamoto'  is one of considerable doubt in the world of crypto. This communal uncertainty is driven by a handful of key parallels between the two, with the most prominent being Wright's inability to have a normal fucking conversation paired … Continue reading Craig Wright Offers Up His Codecademy Profile As Irrefutable Proof Of His Identity As Satoshi Nakamoto

Top 5 Ways To Avoid The Question When Your Family Or Significant Other Asks ‘How’s Crypto Doing?’

It's been a rough year for the average crypto investor. Things are looking bleak and you're trying to stay positive - we get it. We also get that you may not be looking forward to having your partner ask you how your crypto portfolio is doing any time soon. After a year of telling them … Continue reading Top 5 Ways To Avoid The Question When Your Family Or Significant Other Asks ‘How’s Crypto Doing?’

10 Buzzwords Guaranteed To Spruce Up Any Unemployed Altcoin Investor’s LinkedIn Profile

Your family and friends may not understand, but we do. You're too busy getting in on the ground floor of revolutionary new technologies to hold down some dead-end low-paying job.Take a look at the top 10 buzzwords you can pepper into your LinkedIn headline that will WOW your professional network, and help get your foot … Continue reading 10 Buzzwords Guaranteed To Spruce Up Any Unemployed Altcoin Investor’s LinkedIn Profile

Trump Misinterprets Blockchain To Be A Physical Object That Could Be Used As A Barrier Between The US And Mexico

WASHINGTON D.C - Amid forceful adversity towards the proposed border wall, the Trump administration has been scrambling for alternative solutions. One such proposal comes straight from the president himself, where sources say he is 'heavily considering blockchain as a viable alternative' to the previously assumed brick and mortar wall. A concerned staff member anonymously reached … Continue reading Trump Misinterprets Blockchain To Be A Physical Object That Could Be Used As A Barrier Between The US And Mexico

Co-Creator Of Bitcoin Cash Tip Bot ‘Tippr’ Updates Code Base To Philosophically And Programatically Tip Less Than 15%

SLIPPERY ROCK, PA - Enthusiasts and engineers across the globe have been struggling for years to make the barrier of entry into crypto easier for the average person, and the advent of tipping bots has been a deceptively simple nod at the potential accessibility to come. Bitcoin Cash tipping bot, 'Tippr', is one such example … Continue reading Co-Creator Of Bitcoin Cash Tip Bot ‘Tippr’ Updates Code Base To Philosophically And Programatically Tip Less Than 15%