iPhone Replacement Screen Sales Surging as a Result of Screen Burn-Ins from Panicking Delta Users Refreshing Every 5 Seconds

Thousands of accounts have recently surfaced regarding  iPhone screens across the globe suffering screen burn-ins as a consequence of Delta users relentlessly refreshing to keep up with their plummeting portfolio values. “We haven’t seen profits like this since we convinced people to buy adapters for headphones” said a […]

BREAKING: Chinese Crypto Influencer Mispronounces Litecoin as “Ritecoin” in Recent Interview, Christian Altcoin Ritecoin Skyrockets – VEN down another 20%

TOKYO – Miscommunication resulting from language barriers has left the crypto world in a frenzy today, as popular Chinese cryptocurrency influencer Wang Chi mispronounced ‘Litecoin’ as ‘Ritecoin’ in a recent bullish interview. LTC price was unaffected by the mix up, while VEN immediately dropped another 20% Following the […]

Michelle Obama to Pioneer MegaBlock-Chain Technology in Misguided Attempt to Make Crypto More Accessible to Children

WASHINGTON D.C – ICOs and crypto-facing startups have surged in popularity over the last year, having piqued the interest of many existing businesses and high-profile individuals. This is no different in the case of Michelle Obama’s new child-friendly blockchain learning initiative, MegaBlock-Chain. “The concept is in it’s infancy […]

BULLISH: Trump Misinterprets Bill Protecting Crypto Mining to Mean that Coal Miners May Continue to ‘Secretly Mine’ Coal – Whatever that Means

WASHINGTON D.C – White House insiders have leaked reports of U.S President Donald Trump misinterpreting a bill designed to protect cryptocurrency mining from over-regulation. Trump’s purported understanding of the bill was to mean that coal miners are now protected from regulations that keep them from ‘secretly mining’ coal. […]

BREAKING: /r/Bitcoin And /r/BTC To Set Aside Their Differences And Come Together To Talk Shit About /r/XRP

REDDIT, Internet – Long-time forum adversaries /r/bitcoin and /r/BTC have reportedly set aside their differences to talk shit about centralized, real-time settlement system xRapid. Tensions have recently been high in the crypto community, as numerous initiatives and startups have decidedly chosen to work along banks as opposed to against them have been gaining traction. […]